My mother died October 8, 2008. When she died, we knew she wanted to be cremated, and have her ashes scattered where my father and grandmother are buried. She made it easy for our family to make decisions we knew she would have wanted.

I found my mother’s death had a profound impact on my life. All of a sudden, my age was defined by being the matriarch of the family. Flashes of my own mortality kept creeping into my thoughts.

Dealing with my mother’s death confirmed one other thing. Funerals don’t just happen. Instead, they are a series of decisions that must be made by family members. Here are some of the decisions families and friends will need to make when you die.

How should we dispose of your body?

Choice #1. How do you to want us to dispose of your body? There are three options: (1) Do you want a traditional service and have your body buried intact? (2) Do you want to be cremated? (3) Would you like to donate your entire body for medical research, If you prefer to donate your body for medical research, some states require you enter into an agreement with a medical institution before you die; donating your body for medical research will not be a choice your family can make after you die.

Choice #2: Do you want to participate in the organ or tissue transplant program? While you are living, you can complete a form documenting your wishes regarding participation in the organ transplant program. Some states allow you to document your choices in electronic data bases. Be aware that hospitals are required by law to ask your family about participating in the organ transplant program. If you don’t document your wishes, your family has the right to make this choice for you.

Choice #3 DNA. Have you stored a sample of your DNA? If not, request your family to retrieve and store a sample of your DNA when you die. It is their last opportunity to do so. Taking a DNA sample is as simple as a diabetic blood sugar test and can easily be taken by any licensed embalmer or cremation technician. Most funeral homes and crematories offer DNA services. Your DNA is rapidly becoming a vital part of making and understanding medical choices. Storing a sample of your DNA may help to save the life of one of your family members some day.

What should we do with your remains?

What do you want done with your remains? Do you want to be buried in a particular cemetery? Or have your ashes scattered in a particular location?. If you are eligible for military benefits, do you want to be buried in a military cemetery? Are there special clothing or memorabilia you want to be remembered with? Some states now allow you to be buried with the remains of your pet.

How do you want your life celebrated?

Do you want a church service? Are there special songs, poems or scriptures you would like? Are there specific individuals you want to sing…or recite a scripture or poem…or serve as a pallbearer. Do you want flowers or donations to a favorite charity? Are there special friends you want notified of your death and your service?

How do you know your wishes will be carried out?

Once you make your choices, don’t forget to appoint someone to carry out your wishes. State laws permit you to designate a funeral agent, a person given the legal authority to make choices about the disposition of your body. In some states, you can appoint this person as part of a health care power of attorney. Some states have created a new legal document “Disposition of Final Remains” you use to document your funeral wishes and designate a funeral agent. If you don’t appoint a funeral agent, state preference laws decides who has the legal authority to make choices about your body: (1) spouse or registered domestic partner; (2) child or children; (3) parents; (4) next of kin and (5) someone appointed by the court.

Get prepared for your final exit.

Within minutes of your death, your family must start making decisions about your funeral. Make it easy for them. Document your wishes. Share it with your family. .

Kathy Lane is the author of Die $mart. For more information on planning your funeral and designating a funeral agent, visit diesmart.com.